|
The True Story Of
The Internet
And so it was written in Morpheus
80:88...
And God spake saying, "Thou shalt press the leftmost portion of the
mouse. Once you shall press it. A double-click is unholy and shall be
cursed."
And the people cried "Oh Lord, that holy object thou hast given unto us
is beyond reasoning!" And the people wept, and tore out their hair. And
God saw the sadness, and lo, he wove the hair into cables for
interfaces, and power cords, and for antennas, and speaker wire. And God
did bless the hair wire with the ability to conduct electricity.
And the people accepted the gift of the wire, and plugged in. And there
were seven years of prosperity and happiness. But one day the leader of
the people came to God and said, "Oh Lord, my people are bored with the
gift you have given us. Their hard drives are nearly full and they have
run out of games to play."
And God became angered, and smote the leader where he stood. And He sent
torrents of rain to short circuit the electronics. And the people ran
into caves and ate grubs. There they lived for seven years.
By then God's heart had softened, and He consulted His closest angel, Al
Gore. Al knelt before God and said, "My Lord, these people are
simpletons. They have nothing better to do with their lives than play
games. I beseech you, allow me to solve their problems."
And God hesitatingly send His angel Al Gore to Earth. And He blessed Al
with the powers of electricity, and the powers of the circuit, and the
powers of hard coding. And Al Gore descended upon the land, and blew a
great trumpet, the sound of which caused great trees to grow from the
ground. And these trees, Al turned into telephone poles. And he gathered
up all the hair from the surface of the earth and made long wires to
connect the poles. And Al took the sand of the ocean and formed it into
wafers. And from the wafers, Al cut chips. And he assembled the chips
into complex patterns. And lo, God breathed a breath on the chips, and
they were alive. So Al knuckled down and started to code. In the dark of
night, with only a green-on-black display did he code. And he imbibed
caffeine, and ate Cheetos®.
And after twelve weeks of straight coding, Al emerged from his room,
holding a golden floppy disk. And God chuckled. And Al inserted the
golden disk into the great floppy drive of the mainframe. And behold,
the internet was born.
And God came before the trembling people in their caves saying, "Here,
you pitiful, squawking fetuses. Enjoy." And God's voice was as that of a
giant whale. And the people were frightened. But Al Gore's face popped
into existence on a huge LCD atop a nearby mountain. And behind his face
was static. And Al Gore showed the people how to operate this gift.
And the people went back to their homes, and back to their systems. And
they enjoyed the internet. And they downloaded, and emailed, and
videoconferenced. And God was pleased.
So it came to pass that Al Gore was given authority over all mankind's
technology, that it might always be up to date and Y2K compliant (that
is 2000 B.C.).
---Erik
Rosenbladt
|